White Noise

Hey everyone! So today I wanted to address a pretty deep topic. It is something that I have been thinking about and wanting to write about for a very long time now because it is something I have deeply struggled with for a very long time.

Think about the way you speak with a loved one when they are going through a hard time. You tell them that they are amazing and strong and beautiful. You let them know how much you love them, and if they need you that you will always be there. You are understanding, loving, comforting. You listen to what they need. You think of the ways you can help. Because you love them. You truly and deeply love them.

So why do we not talk to ourselves with that same kindness and respect?

Why do we create these lies in our heads about the person we are? We become so deeply rooted in these false statements that they soon become white noise; barely noticeable, but always there.

I remember sitting on the couch one day after I had finally gotten Sophie to sleep in my arms. It had taken me hours, and she wouldn’t let me put her down. I looked up and saw my incredibly messy house. Someone had been texting me all day asking if they could stop by and my heart was pounding and tears were filling my eyes. I looked at the clock and realized Josh would be getting off of work soon. He works so hard and all I wanted was to make sure that he had something to eat when he got home to show him how much I love him. But there was no way I could get dinner ready and the house clean and Sophie down.

I am a bad mother.

I am a bad wife.

I am a mess.

I can’t take care of myself, much less anyone else.

I can’t even function as a human being.

What am I doing?

This is just one of the times that these lies have filled me up, and even worse, I believed them.

I am not going to dive into the crosses I have had to carry, because I am not ready to share those parts of me. Maybe I will be one day. And maybe in that case I will be able to help someone who has been though similar situations. At one moment or another though, while carrying my crosses, all of those lies that cross many of our minds crossed mine.

You are dumb.

You are ugly.

You are gullible.

You deserved that.

You are worthless.

You will never be good enough.

The sad thing is that I would never speak to anyone this way. I would never be so hateful or disrespectful to someone else, so why is it ok to speak to myself this way?

A few months ago was sitting reading with Sophie on the floor, and as I looked at this precious little creation God had blessed me with, my heart dropped. I never want her to tell herself those lies. I never want her to believe them. I will do anything in my power to make sure that she never succumbs to the danger there is in listening to that white noise.

That’s when it hit me. How could I teach her those things, when I had not fully learned them myself?

Since that moment, I have been trying to grow. I have tried to become more aware of the while noise. And I know it is hard. Because those lies are sneaky. They are quiet. The way they come about, you would never know they are a threat. Because that is how deceitful Satan is and the lies he tells us.

I am not here to say that I have figured out this grand idea on how to be kinder to ourselves. Because I haven’t yet. I am still learning. I am still growing. But I have figured out a few things that have been helping me learn to be kinder to myself.

  • Stop yourself in the moment. Once you hear yourself begin to tell a lie, stop. Acknowledge that it isn’t true. Become more aware of that white noise.
  • Practice self-compassion. Most of us have learned about self-esteem, but that comes with its pitfalls. Too low of self-esteem, you have depression. To high, that’s narcissism. But with self-compassion, you learn to treat yourself like a good friend and a loved one. When you make a mistake, you recognize it and forgive yourself. Talk yourself through it. Talk to yourself as if you are comforting a friend. Tell yourself you love yourself, and that if you need anything, you got your back. Once you are compassionate towards yourself, you become more self-aware, which then helps you to becoming the best version of yourself.
  • PRAY! When we fall, God will always be there to pick us back up. He is our father, and loves us as such. When we feel lonely and sad due to the white noise, he is there to be a compassionate friend when we need one. Trust him.

I recently read a pretty cool quote I would like to share before I end this post.

“How cool is it that the same God, who created mountains, and oceans, and galaxies, looked at you and thought the world needed one of you too?”

Thank you stopping in to read this post! I hope it brings a little comfort to those who need it.

And always remember. You are beautiful. You are special. You are worthy. You are loved.

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